Love is just a lie made to make you blue
by The Monster of Fiction
Summary: Love hurts, love wounds, it scars. Logan takes a lot of pain. From his relationship with James. He cheats, he lies, he hits. Will Logan last?. How much more can he take?. James' punches are his kisses, his cheating are his I love you's. Love hurts...
1. Chapter 1 I know it isn't true

**I know what you're thinking, like damn this person writes a bunch of fics. Truth is i've had these written for a while now, and i wanted to post them. Because i forget about them. So this is a different change an abusive James the first i think?. It's usaually Kendall, but i decided to give him a break, and make another one of the boys take his place. I can't imagine Carlos or Logan being the abusive one's in the relationship, unless it was a Cargan, but still it's kinda hard. so enough of my blabbering i hope you like...**

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How can you say _" I love you"_ when all you do is hurt me?. How can you say_ " I want you"_ when all you do is want someone else?. You manipulate, you abuse, you cheat, you use me, you hit me. Where did I go wrong?. What did I do to make you do all these things?. I can't anymore, I'm damaged you stained me. I want you to know I love you. I'll always love you. But this I can't love, I can't love what you've become. I miss you, the old you. I can't do this anymore, that's why I'm saying this. I can't be with you anymore. I want to break up…

Those are the words I want to say to him. Those are the words I need to say to him. But I can't, I love him too much to let go. I know you probably think I'm stupid for staying in this dysfunctional relationship . It's just every time he looks at me, or every time I try to say those words. He fills with hurt, and regret, he tells me how much I mean to him, how he couldn't live if I left him. He cries and begs, till I forgive him. He threatens to end himself if I leave him. I don't want to loose him. I can't. so here's me sucking up those break up words that I've mustered the courage to say. And I forgive him. Were ok for a while, but then it starts again…

I look at myself in the mirror, sighing sadly. The different bruises forming along my pale skin, are his art. He's created them. I have a new illustration on me at least once a week if I'm lucky every two weeks. I've tried time and time again to get him to stop. But he's in control. I don't get a say. All I do is take the back seat and do as I'm told.

I wince when I touch one. They hurt they're sore. But not more than my heart. His love is a razor blade. And I'm the skin. Metaphorically. He's made me who I am now. My tears follow the same path as my blood. A tear falls into the porcelain sink, as does my blood. The silver blade I hold in between my fingers has become my best friend. He helps me take the pain away for a while only to turn his back on me and leave a scar, just like the many James has left on me.

I'm his punching bag, his stress reliever, his sex doll. Whatever you want to call me. Some people think of happiness, I think of fear. Some think of beauty, I think of hideousness. Love is really not what it's cracked out to be. Some love, some hurt. I guess I have the best of both worlds. Pain and love. Tainted love?. I don't know if I'll last much longer if I keep going this path. If I keep forgiving him. Please change for me?.

" Baby Logie?, can we talk?" he asks in a guilty tone. He knows what he's done.

" J-just a-a s-second" he stammers, quickly wiping his arms and putting his sharp friend away. James hears shuffling in the bathroom he knocks harder, " Logan open the door" he says. Logan gasps his voice sounds serious. He turns the sink on to wash away the blood. He sees the door handle jiggling, so without time he stuffs the bloody paper into his pocket. He quickly rolls his sleeves down. He takes a deep breath and opens the door.

James is looking down at him, his arms crossed over his chest. Logan smiles at him. " What were you doing in there?" he asks. " Using the b-bathroom" he replies quickly not wanting to sound nervous. James stares at him for a few seconds, suspiciously. When he smiles Logan sighs. " Let's watch TV". he says wrapping his arms around Logan and walking them out the door.

James sits with his back against the arm rest, his legs spread and Logan in between. His back on James's chest. James wraps his arm around Logan's waist while the other one is placed behind his own head. Logan sighs snuggling into James's chest more. These are the moments when everything seems ok. No fighting no cutting, just hanging out like old times.

" What did you want to talk about?" asks Logan looking up at James. James shakes his head smiling. " Nothing just wanted to hang out with you" he replies with a kiss. Logan nods his head and goes back to watching TV.

After a while Logan feels his eyes get heavy. As James runs his fingers through his brown locks. James can tell that he's asleep by his soft snoring. He chuckles carefully moving him away. James leans down to pick him up. He carries him back to their shared room. He places the sleeping boy on the bed gently. As he covers him Logan stirs. " What happened?" he asks. James shakes his head, " You fell asleep, just go back babe" he whispers. Logan nods and closes his eyes again. James sits by his side running his thumb along his soft skin. He gets a txt message on his phone. He grins and replies. Logan hears the phone vibrating and wakes up again. " James what are you doing?" he asks. James looks away from his phone. " Sorry didn't mean to wake you, I'm gonna go down by the pool for a while" he says, he goes to stand up, but Logan grabs his arm. " Stay" he says softly. James chuckles. " I'll be back soon I promise" he says leaning down to place a kiss on his forehead. Logan nods. As James walks to the door he says " I-I love you". James only nods his head and walks out. Logan looks up at the ceiling feeling his tears well up. He can't cry over James anymore.

Later that night Logan is barely asleep when James walks in. Logan doesn't move. He hears James remove his clothes, before getting into bed. He feels his arms wrap around his torso, " I love you" he says in a slurred voice. Logan feels a gab to his heart when James pulls him against his chest, and he smells a feminine perfume on his arms. Logan can't hold back and he lets the silent tears fall. He knows what James was up to while he slept. He cries himself to sleep the whole night, as the smell breaks his already broken heart even more…


	2. Chapter 2 love wounds

The next morning Logan woke up half asleep. He didn't get a great sleep after James came to bed. He slowly got out from James's embrace. His stomach turning at not only the perfume but James as well. He sat up and looked down at James, who had his chest down against the comforter and his face on the pillow while his bare arms sprawled out. Logan sighed sadly and got up from the bed. As he was walking he saw all of James's clothes littered on the ground. Logan tiredly leant down to pick up the jeans. As he was lifting them up, something shiny fell to the ground. Logan looked back down and picked it up. His heart cracked once again noticing the torn condom wrapper.

He looked over at James who was still sleeping soundly. It disgusted Logan that he could sleep so well with himself after being unfaithful. That he would wake up and approach Logan with open arms as if he'd done nothing shameful. He knew that after he had gone and cheat. James would be extra affectionate the next day. Never letting Logan out of his sight. James would be extra loving and touchy. He would treat Logan to a nice day. If that didn't scream guilty than Logan didn't know what did.

He walked into the bathroom throwing James's jeans in the hamper. He walked over to the shower and turned the hot water on. He removed his clothes looking at his reflection. Disgust going through his head. No wonder James would feel the need to cheat. You're ugly, pale, scrawny. He stepped into the hot shower. His skin burning slightly, but he didn't care. He felt like he had to shower in hot water to take away all the dirt he felt that he was covered in. He didn't care that after he stepped out his skin would be irritated, and stinging. Because he was sensitive to the burning water. He just needed to get rid of all the pain one way or another.

When he finished washing away his hurt. He did what he needed to before stepping out of the bathroom. He quickly changed into his outfit for the day and stepped out of the room. The house was silent which meant no one was awake yet. He served himself a bowl of cereal and took a seat at the counter. He ate his Coco puffs slowly. Staring blankly at the wall. He felt like the world moved around him, but he didn't. everyone was living they're lives but he wasn't. He looked down at his bowl which now was only milk. He saw something drip into the milk. But he quickly realized it was coming from his eyes.

He put the bowl at the sink, and headed towards the door. As he walked down the lobby he saw people smiling at him. But he felt like his face held no emotion. He felt like a zombie, there but not there. Lifeless, but physical. He was roaming a city filled with life, but he was city filled with death. Smiles and happiness. Frowns and sadness. He stopped at a stop light. He looked around and noticed it was darkening. He took his phone out and saw that it was eight thirty at night. He didn't even know he had been walking so much. He saw that he had thirty missed calls from James. Txt messages demanding to know where he was. He placed his phone away and walked towards the bus stop.

He was dropped off a few blocks away from the Palm Woods. His phone kept on vibrating as he walked towards his home but he ignored it. As he stepped in the elevator he knew what was to come. And he was ready. Even though he knew he didn't have the strength to fight back, he would just take it and hope James would go easy on him.

He stepped into the apartment and saw that everyone was seated on the couch watching television. He looked over at James, and noticed that his leg was giggling. He only did that when he was nervous or trying to control his anger. He stepped in closing the door behind him. As soon as the door shut, all eyes were on him.

" Logan where were you!" asked Carlos jumping up from the couch and running to Logan. Logan smiled weakly at his worried Latino friend as he touched his face all over checking for any injuries. Try my heart" he thought to himself. Everyone walked over to him, except for James.

" Sweetie were you, you had us worried" said Mrs. Knight. Looking him over as well.

" Sorry I just went for a walk, and when I saw it was eight o clock" he said shrugging. His eyes darted towards James. Who had his jaw set while staring at him with anger flashing through his eyes.

" Well just make sure you call next time" she said placing a hand on his shoulder than turning to the boys.

" Bed time" she yelled out. Katie and Carlos groaned. Kendall smiled at him and ruffled his hair playfully following Carlos. After they retreated to they're bedrooms. Logan slowly walked over to James. " Bedroom" he simply said turning the TV off and walking into their room.

Logan walked in slowly after staying a few seconds in the dark living room. He walked in and saw James wearing his black wife beater. More like boyfriend beater, irony that's what's in Logan's head right now. James looked up from where he was seated at the edge of the bed. He stood up and crossed his arms. His dominant personality finally arriving.

" Where have you been Logan?. Voice low and dark. Logan was practically squirming under his intense gaze.

" I went for a walk" his voice coming out small and no sign of bravery in it whatsoever.

" A walk?, you've been out the whole day on a walk?" he asked. Logan could tell his anger was rising by the minute. James clenched his fists together. " You were out with someone weren't you?" venom dripping from his tone.

Logan nodded his head and looked towards the ground. " Answer me Logan!" he commanded loudly.

" No" he said. He stepped back when James stepped closer. James gripped his shoulders tightly. Logan winced as he felt the bruises that were to form.

" Don't lie to me Logan, nothing good comes out of it".

" I wasn't out with anyone, I just went for a wa-ow James you're hurting me!" he yelled out, as James's grip became tighter. James harshly let him go. He began to pace wile pinching the bridge of his nose. Logan massaged his sore shoulders. James looked over at him.

James was so convinced that Logan was cheating on him. The next thing he did was just plain cruel. He pulled the condom wrapper out of his pocket and held it to Logan's face. " Than what's this?" he asked. Logan looked at him. His eyes widening. He couldn't believe James was pinning his own fault on Logan.

" That's not mine" he said, trying to sound braver but it came out more like a squeak. James laughed a very incredulous laugh. He then gripped Logan's shirt collar and pulled him closer. " I found it this morning in the trash, you were cheating on me while I went down to the pool weren't you?" he asked.

" No that was yours" he said slowly. James's griped tightened on his shirt, it caused him to grab some of the skin under it. Making Logan wince. " Don't you even fucking dare" he threatened in a very low yet cool manner.

" I found that in your jeans James so don't you fucking dare and pin this shit on me" he said finally mustering that courage. He pushed James back, making him loose the strong grip on his shirt. James knew he was loosing himself. He stepped closer to Logan over towering him. Logan staggered back when James slammed his fist into his shoulder. Logan grabbed his shoulder tightly. Feeling his eyes well up with tears.

" Don't you ever fucking raise your voice at me" he said pushing Logan against the door with his chest. Logan began to shake as James held him up against the door. His breath ghosting over his face. James was angry and Logan knew not to add it to anymore. So what he did next would be considered a coward move. But he couldn't take another beating again.

" I'm sorry" he said. Wrapping his arms around James's chest. The taller boys' brows furrowed together. But he knew he had Logan were he wanted. He made him think that he was the one that had been cheating. And if it lead to him being off the hook than he would drop it. He wrapped his arms around Logan. He then whispered in his ear. " I'm letting it go this time, but if you ever even think of cheating on me again , I'll kill you and then myself" he threatened. Logan's breath hitched in his throat. James didn't show any sign of joking around. He sounded dead serious.

James smirked when he felt Logan's head nod against his chest. That night Logan sneaked into the bathroom while James was sleeping. James apparently decided that he still needed to make his point. And he slapped Logan hard across the face. And then he forced Logan into giving him oral sex. Logan stood over the mirror looking at his reflection with nothing but hate. He took out his sharp friend and lifted his sleeve up all the was to his bicep. He slowly began cutting. He winced as the blade pierced his pale skin drawing blood. He cut for a good ten minutes. When he was done he traced over the words he had carved out. CHEATER. Written in small scaring words. He looked at the sink where all the blood had gathered. His tears mixing with the crimson liquid. He turned the sink on, another one of his hurt's washing away for the night. He wiped his tears followed by his blood. Than he walked into the dark room and curled under the covers. Dreaming about his escape…death. _love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marks, to take a lot of pain_...


End file.
